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Extended Family Solutions 101 By Angela Micelli Suarez What is “family” any way? O.K., it’s pretty easy to define family when it refers to genetics and blood-ties. But, let’s consider the tenth definition in Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language. Webster defines family as “a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and frequently, live together”. One example of this type of family is the hippies of the 1960’s and 70’s. Another would be active military personnel. Now let’s define “extended” concerning family. Webster’s first definition of extended is “stretched out”. The second is “continued or prolonged”. When I think of something stretched out, I think of a rubber band. It can be stretched and re-stretched; yet it remains an intact rubber band. It can also be stretched out for prolonged periods of time without affecting its integrity. Our first inclination to identify extended family would be to name perhaps blood relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. However, considering the hippies and military personnel, we know extended family can actually be much more multi dimensional than pure genetic blood ties. So, my perception of another way Webster could define “extended family” is any group of people with shared values who continuously, or for prolonged periods of time, willingly stretch each other without affecting one another’s integrity. Finally, Webster’s first definition of “solutions” is “the act of solving a problems, questions, etc.“. A simple example is the act of adding 1+1. The solution is 2. If only finding solutions by the extended family to complex challenges would be so easy, all of our challenges would disappear. And, a new utopian society would emerge. So, by definition, “extended family solutions” really is any group of people with shared values who continuously, or for prolonged periods of time, willingly stretch each other without affecting one another’s integrity to solve problems and answer questions. Now, from the knowledge of what extended family solutions is, questions begin to whirl within my conscience. With all of the many companies and organizations already formed and in place, what keeps us as a society so disconnected from one another that we haven’t solved humanities basic challenges of hunger and homelessness? Why do so many feel trapped behind the walls of poverty? Why are so many oppressed by ignorance? My questions continue as an eternal inferno within my soul. But, I know we as a human species have the answers. Our web of extended family ties is the solution. Only, we haven’t formalized the web of the extended family solutions. Not as a whole society. Many intentional communities you can read about on www.ic.org are applying this concept. And, there are other groups scattered throughout the globe that are tapping this idea. But, threads of the extended family solutions web seem invisible, impossible to access or just not user-friendly enough at times when challenges become overbearing. So, what do we do now? Many models exist to solve humanities challenges and problems. My prediction is a master model is emerging even now. When enough of the human species makes the decision to become a part of the web of extended family solutions we will solve any challenge or problem presented to us. It is ultimately our decision. Realists and those with an adamant practical outlook who lack enough vision may consider this idea a bit grandiose or even unrealistic. However, in our history of humankind, it was once perceived unrealistic to believe man would set foot on the moon. But, we did. Enough of humanity decided we could. A group of people with shared values (They believed it was important for man to go to the moon.) continuously, for a prolonged period of time willingly stretched each other (Used their collective knowledge) without affecting one another’s integrity to solve the problem and answer questions of how to get to the moon. They applied the extended family solutions. And, it worked. And, now it is up to us. Click here to download  Extended Family Solutions 102 By Angela Micelli Suarez Now that we know, that Extended Family Solutions is any group of people with shared values, who continuously, or for prolonged periods of time, willingly stretch each other without affecting one another’s integrity to solve problems and answer questions, where do we go from here? We could continue the status quo way of doing things. Do our jobs, the best we think we can at this very moment, and pat ourselves on the back because we’ve done our civic duty and maybe even walked an extra mile, two or perhaps for some, even more. And, we can feel satisfied, because we have put forth honest effort. And, that would be O.K., I guess, for many people We could evolve and improve our processes a little at a time as our history books show our human species usually does. And, this is how I believe most of us think is the best and safest route for any social change to occur. And, I even tend to agree. Let’s not rock the boat to hard. We might wind up with a revolution on our hands. We might create a chaotic society. And, God forbid that, right? Well, recently, I heard a story that made my heart almost break - a family of four striving to make ends meet, but just can‘t do it alone. This got me to thinking. There has to be a way for us to evolve and improve our processes to find solutions to challenging problems our society faces. There has to be a way to apply the Extended Family Solutions in an efficient and effective practical manner that is time sensitive to challenges and not restrained by red tape. Because, there are those who are challenged, their desperation demands desperate action. This is the true story of one such challenged family of four. One member of this family is a middle-aged man challenged by the symptoms of a mental illness. He hears voices in his head that tell him horrible things. These voices are his torment. Alcohol has been a bittersweet companion of short periods of relief from the voices. Because, now he is confined to house arrest for drinking and driving. Not only does he have symptoms of a mental illness to overcome, but also now the torture of confinement has been added to his troubled mind. He wants to work, but jobs are in short supply. And, his illness limit’s the kind and amount of work he can do. So, as the man of his house, in a patriarchal society, he is considered by many to be a failure, a menace to our culture. But, he is someone’s husband, father, brother and son. Another member is a middle-aged woman. She began life as a child of a mother who is mentally ill. Many skills young children learn were not taught to her until she became a ward of social services. And today, she struggles with the disadvantage of limitations that her own mental illness causes her. However, she has persevered. Recently, she completed her education at Indiana Business College. She has placed many applications with potential employers. But, no one has hired her as of yet. She places a premium on her family time. I congratulate her for that. More people today could take a cue from her devotion to her family instead of loading her with unnecessary guilt. Perhaps, more families would survive intact, divorce would be less prevalent and the nucleus family could strategize to overcome their challenges with perhaps just a little hand up, not out. And, maybe, women of our society really are what make a house a home. Another member is a second adult male who is the brother to the middle-aged woman. He is the primary, and almost only, financial support for the entire family of four. He is an extremely intelligent man, who I believe is just misunderstood and undervalued. He works for a fast food restaurant. When he is allowed, he works full-time hours. However, that is not a regular occurrence. So, the income he brings into the home helps, but is not sufficient. The fourth and final member of this family, who reside together, is a very young and extremely intelligent five-year-old boy. This boy’s speech is as articulative as an adult. He enjoys music, so I have made a barter arrangement with his mother. She helps out in my office and I give her son guitar and piano lessons. The young boy enjoys learning different things simultaneously. And, why not? Why should I place limits on his enjoyment? A world of discipline awaits him soon enough. The part about this boy I left out to tell you last is he only recently returned to live with his mother again. For an extended time he had been residing with his grandparents. But, do you know what he told his grandmother he wanted for this past Christmas? He wanted to live with his Mother. What a sad thing for a young boy to have to experience the pain of separation! The good news is that he is living with his mother now just like he wanted to. So, now you have it. You know their story. But, what desperate actions do their desperate lives demand of them? As often as they are allowed, they make regular trips. But, their trips aren’t filled with joy. Instead, long walks in summer, spring, fall and winter filled with razor sharp cold biting wind begins their journey of survival. Sometimes, when a little extra money is available, a bus or cab is how their trips begin. Their trips are to food pantries and clothing banks. And, often times their trips include waiting in line for syringes to draw body fluids that are for sale, just to survive. Desperation demands desperate actions. O.K., perhaps we can’t help every single person, every single place from having to sell their blood or plasma. And, maybe we don’t even want to. Other people do need other people’s blood and plasma. But, what about those whose choices are severely limited, even if it is only limited by their mental faculties? Are we to idly stand by, and do nothing? We see the blood banks. Some of us even see the waiting lines. Most of us just look the other way. But, I say enough is enough! I know many people and agencies are working tirelessly to aide the disadvantaged. But, we can do more! Wake up folks! We are all a part of the human family. And, Extended Family Solutions - any group of people with shared values who continuously, or for prolonged periods of time, willingly stretch each other without affecting one another’s integrity to solve problems and answer questions - is the answer. I know there are those of you who truly care about your brothers and sisters of the human species. And, I know there are those who have the money and the resources to step out on a limb with me to empower mentally, emotionally and economically disadvantaged (MEED) people and their families to live peaceful, productive and positive lives. While the business of doing feasibility studies, conducting preliminary meetings and all of the other details of putting programs together is happening, families are dying emotionally! I do not propose we stretch beyond our means. But, this particular county this family lives in does not even have an emergency family shelter. Yet, we have houses just sitting empty waiting for a piece of the great work to begin. Families get busted up. Dad goes here. Mom and the kids go there. Why? Because we want to eat our fancy Sunday dinners? Buy a new dress? Take our own kids to a movie? Come on folks! How can our collective conscience not rise to this challenge? Would you want someone to leave you at the blood bank, a syringe in your arm and a for sale sign on your back? So, “What are the Extended Family Solutions to the challenges of this family?“ you might ask. Well, let me be frank. I do not have every single answer. But, we do! And, this is just an example of what we could do, if we didn’t have to think with just one of our billfolds. The father, who has a serious mental illness, could be mentored, sponsored and cultivated to begin his own cottage industry business. Which, by the way, he is on a small scale working towards. Only, he doesn’t get much outside encouragement, except mostly from professionals who he feels are just trying to “fix” him. What he needs is a trusted friend. Someone, more along the lines of a lay mentor who will befriend him, without him feeling the pressure of someone trying to “fix” him. Also, he has construction skills. These skills could be bartered in exchange for housing, though he would need the flexibility to be allowed rest as needed for him to manage his mental illness, because stress is a major trigger for his mental illness symptoms to occur. He could be part of a pool that job shares - the same new trend new mothers are using to have more time with their young children. The woman has valuable office skills. Though her family is her priority, she too, could be a part of a pool that job shares. And, her skills could be bartered in exchange for goods and services. Another possibility is this. She desires to some day have a printing business. Perhaps a local printing business would sponsor her. She could do a certain amount of hours; perhaps indenture herself to the printer for an eventual partnership of some kind. The second adult male is very interested in anything Native American. And, he is particularly interested in the history and preserving it in story form for future generations to come. Because the area he resides in has a strong Native American demographic group, perhaps another Native American and historical preservationist could be found to help mentor and develop this man’s desire. From there a cottage industry could be developed. Of course, the young boy, in my opinion, is the most positive driving force to help this family to help themselves. They all adore the child. And, they are motivated to make more positive, productive and peaceful lives for the whole family unit for this child. They just need a hand up, perhaps many hands up. Finally, the intentional community piece in addition to the Extended Family Solutions would be a valuable tool for this families disadvantage to be ameliorated. A large home, big enough for the four of them and one other family with some kind of stable income and emotional stability would be a stabilizing force in their lives. Now, you might say, “This stuff is already being done”. I would have to say yes and no. Yes, many of these tools and processes are being used and taking place. But, the Extended Family Solutions concept as one multi-dimensional spoke of a master model does not exist as a formal, user-friendly, one-stop workshop and network. We are all doing our part. We are networking as best as we think we can, at least at the present time in our history. But, what if I were to tell you, that we can take a quantum jump into the future of the human species? What if I told you it is was just a matter of choice? My choice. Your choice. Our choice as a human species. The Katrina Hurricane of the United States and the many other global natural disasters have many of us thinking of how we should respond to our human frailties. How will our next generation deal with disaster and tragedy? And, do we have to wait that long? And, thinking is a positive thing, though many would prefer to suppress the masses of humanity from thinking independently through intimidation and fear tactics. And, what if I were to tell you the secret to Extended Family Solutions is not really about money and resources at all. And, that the secret is people. It is the decisions and choices we make moment to moment, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year and on and on. My decision to no longer remain silent concerning mental health challenges has you reading this article or listening to my voice as I speak. And, the “we” of our collective consciousness can make Extended Family Solutions a household phrase, if we so choose. That is powerful! The power of choice to decide to take a quantum jump into our future as a society is before us. We can continue to operate an artificial economy within our society as Fred Williams, author of “The Secret of Money” revealed. Bottom Feeders will continue to feed upon the masses of wage slaves. Poverty will abound. Wars will continue. Our robot mentality can keep us in bondage. Or, we can think differently and create something new, wholesome and nurturing to us as a whole species. We can take the strategies of an ancient game and apply those strategies to our lives. We can take Chess Outside the Box. What’s your next move? Click here to download The ABOW Force Alliance Volunteer Information Church / Business / Individual Person (Circle One.) Name_________________________________________________________________ Mailing Address______________________________________________________________ City__________________________State______Zip Code____________________ County / Parish___________________________Tele#_________________________ Fax#_________________________Email Address___________________________ How did you find out about The ABOW Force? ___Walk In ___Advertisement ___Presentation ___Referral/Who?________________________ ___Other/?______________________________ When you hear the words "mental Illness", what is your first thought? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Explain a situation that would make you feel uneasy.________________ _____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ What are your interests? (Check all that apply.) ___Spirituality ___Family Dynamics ___Mental Health Issues ___Physical Needs (Food, Clothing & Shelter) ___Artistic Needs ___Education ___Employment ___Other/What?____________________________________ Time Commitment (Check All that apply.) ___Daily ___Days per Week ___Weekends ___Days per Month ___1st Shift ___2nd Shift ___3rd Shift ___Days per Qtr ___Days per Year Financial Commitment - Per Month / Qtr. / Year (Circle One) ___$20 ___$50 ___$100 ___$1000 ___Other_________________ Name 3 references not related to you. Name Address Email Address Tele# _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Emergency Contact _____________________________________________________________________ Form MIM1005 - 072004 Click here to download Name_______________________________________ Date____________________ Mailing Address____________________________ City____________________ State__________ Zip Code ____________ Tele# ________________________ E-mail Address_________________ Web Address_________________________ How did you discover www.InTheKnow-SPRMPublishing.com ? (Check all that apply.) ___On-line Search ___Referred by SPRM Publishing ___Referred by an organization ___Referred by a friend If you were referred, who referred you?________________________________________________ And, from where?_________________________________________________________________ What material are you applying to submit? (Check all that apply.) ___Sketch/s ___Painting/s ___Drawing/s ___Poetry ___Short Story/s ___ Book Manuscript ___Other (Please Explain) _____________________________________________________________________ The following questions are optional. However, this information will be used to help families experiencing symptoms of mental illness. Each time someone goes public with personal information, and stories, of the impact of mental illness upon our lives, and how we have survived, we chip away myths that negatively affect our societies perception of us. We may be ill. We may be in recovery. We may have family members or friends who are ill or in recovery. But, we are all still human who deserve, and have the right, to be equally treated with dignity. Through education, we can help the public. We have the power to change their perception of us. And, needless, ignorance, fear, stigma and discrimination will dissolve. So, You are important! And, we all need your help! Do you or a family member have a mental illness? ___Yes ___No Are you familiar with the terms “respite” and/ or “diversion”? ___Yes ___No In addition to traditional treatment, and/or as an alternative, how do you manage your mental illness, or help your family member or friend,? Please be specific as possible. _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Have you ever used the arts, or creative writing, to help manage symptoms of a mental illness? ___Yes ___No Do you now use the arts or creative writing to help manage symptoms of a mental illness? ___Yes ___No Has it been effective?___Yes ___No Will you continue?___Yes ___No _____________________________________ Signature Click here to download | Lyrics | | Return Home | What's New | Schedule of Events | Our Services | On-line Catalog | Great Links | FAQ Page | Contact Us | Download Page | Get Help Now | |
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